Let me begin by saying that I never wanted to keep a fat blog. I'm not sure why, I've been blogging forever. But I felt like I bitched enough about my weight in my regular blogs, I didn't need to keep another one.
But at this point? I'm willing to try anything. I'm very tired of constantly starting over with the dieting (on and off Weight Watchers for years with varying success) and the workouts (have managed to stay pretty steady there, about 3 times per week on average at the gym), and having nothing work. So why not write? It's what I do best, what I like best, it'll help me associate one of the more positive things in my life with the thing I hate most (my efforts to get back into the clothes in the "thin box" in my closet). Plus, it'll give my hands something to do while I'm home alone besides stuff my piehole. Mmm, pie.
So, the skinny (heh): My weight peaked in early 2002 at age 22, weighing in at my first Weight Watchers meeting at 276.8 pounds.
"Well, I am wearing this huge sweater and jeans...that's got to be like 128 pounds right there, right?"
"Um, sure..."
Note: The sweater was a men's J. Crew XXL. It probably did, to be fair, weigh a good five pounds. But still...yikes.
Managed to peel off 100 pounds in a year with extremely minimal effort. After 22 years of (generally speaking, particularly after high school) complete bingery and lazy-assedness, my body was all "Who in the what now? We're jogging?? Ha! Oh my goodness, what an odd sensation. Slim Fast shakes and Kashi for breakfast? Is that PROTEIN? Oh dearie me...well here you go, here's 15 pounds off in a week."
Seriously, I lost crazy weight without trying that hard. I did attend the meetings (VERY key, for any of you out there trying it. No meetings usually means no success. As lame-o as they can tend to be.), and I usually wrote down my food (also key) every day. But I also still drank and partied a LOT on the weekends, and "cheated" (a terrible way to put it) at least a couple times a month on stuff like pizza or Chinese. My friends would hate me for drinking 10 rum and diets on a Tuesday and still managing to drop 4 pounds at our Thursday meetings.
So yeah, 100 pounds in a year, before I plateaued. I kept off that 100 for a little over another year. And even then, I had plateaued but I was happy. I was a size 12, which was okay with me. I was very fit, working out a lot, and being blonde and extremely attractive I never had any troubles meeting guys--a high priority at age 23 and 24 (and, let's face it, always).
I know I'm sounding a bit conceited, but I can't help it...I'm a freaking hottie all the time, but even more so when I'm thin. Gotta hold on to something here! It's actually one of the biggest things that pisses me off about being so fat, that I get the "you've got such a pretty face" all the time. Why do people say this? Do I go up to plain girls and say, "You've got SUCH a nice rack...too bad about your face"? No, no I do not. Want to know why? Becuase that's fucking rude. I'm only rude to people who deserve it, like surly customer service reps. And small children.
Sometimes I wish I were ugly, it's like being pretty and fat means you're an even bigger tragedy than being ugly and fat.
"Oh dear...if you would just lose weight, think of how gorgeous you'd be! You could be a movie star!"
"I couldn't be one the way I am now?"
"Oh dear, well..."
True enough, I guess (if I could act). Even at my current weight (250) I've been told I resemble Katherine Heigl (Izzie from Grey's Anatomy), Drew Barrymore, and someone called Jessica Vega from One Life to Live--not sure who she is but if she's on a soap she's probably hot!
But alas, my lot in life has tended more towards Sookie than Lorelai. And so, the weight? She came back eventually. Not all of it, just most of it. I got a boyfriend with similar food issues, we were both at good weights when we met, but then our "nesting" period turned into a giant and delicious nest made of Cheetos (mmm) and pumpkin pie. I was back up from 177 to 236 by the end of our first year together. Dropped back down to 205 by the end of the second year, but back up to 220 by the time we broke up.
I figured that despite the pain I felt at the breakup, the one shred of silver lining was that without Fatty McBoyfriend around it would be easier to "get back on program."
Snort!
One year post breakup? I am up to 250. I haven't weighed this much since this time in 2002, after losing my first 25 pounds in two scant months on Weight Watchers.
I've basically spent the past three years going up and down like Paris on a pogo stick, but have settled between 240 and 250 for the past 10 months or so, constantly telling everyone I know (who, bless them, take it with a grain of salt becuase they sure as hell haven't seen any results from me) that I'm "going to really stick with it this time."
I'm getting sick of hearing that from myself, and I'm sure as Hell they're sick of hearing it from me. So instead I'm going to pour it all in here. I'll update every day if I can, and post weigh-in results every week (Thursday will be weigh-in day, so this Thursday may not go down much from tonight). I'll post food diaries (zzz, I know, but it helps!), tips, and anything else that crosses my mind about this battle. Occasionally, I'll post long boring rants about how much I can't stand my lot in life (must remember to create a "Wah wah me" category), or triumphant spurts of small victories, like running another 5k (I remember, a time, when I ran them regularly, and even did a 10k once without stopping to walk at all).
I turn 28 in about a month and a half. I'm giving myself until 30 to lose the weight again and then some. I want to weigh 150 pounds and wear a bikini to my 30th birthday party in two years and change.
So that's it. Must also remember one thing: If I don't weigh that little in two years time? It sure as shit won't be for lack of trying.
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